It's On Fire, We Are On Fire, Everything Is On Fire....

Image by F. Muhammad  from Pixabay

 Well, things have not improved! In fact, I would say they continue to get worse. I have heard tell that we are still running super short staffed, and it directly affected me on my last night! 

I won't go into too much detail as the call is still very fresh, both in terms of what happened, when it happened, and how it's sitting with me. Since this pandemic began and responses became longer and longer, and more staff have had to go off due to the stress induced by this nightmare I have had one fear. 

That fear is that I will be alone, on a call, that is critical and back up will be a long way off. Well the other night this fear became a reality. The good news, I got through it! The Bad News, A patient waited for almost 35 minutes for a transport capable ambulance to transport them to the hospital. The result, the patient was far worse off than they should have been on arrival to the Emergency Department. I did all I could for this patient, and managed to keep them alive, and then when my transport arrived we were able to quickly move them to the ambulance and to the hospital. At the hospital the treatments started on scene and enroute were beginning to work, however, the patient still has a lot to go through to get better. 

This type of call should NEVER be waiting that long for a transport capable ambulance. As a Paramedic Response Unit Operator I am tasked with being on scene first to higher acuity calls, however the job of Paramedics remains the same! We arrive on scene, stabilize critical life threats, extricate and transport to the hospital. THAT IS THE FUNDAMENTAL ROLE OF A PARAMEDIC. And let me tell you, NO ONE does it better than we do with the wheels moving! 

Did you catch them last three words?........ THE WHEELS MOVING.... When we are stuck on scene due to ambulance and staff shortages, the wheels aren't moving! Many of our calls are time sensitive, even if the patient is stable! 

It's not just that they have to wait, it's the follow up costs that become associated with their recovery that no one is talking about. The longer a patient is delayed from treatment, in some cases, the longer their recovery becomes. Once they have a longer recovery, they are in hospital, or using health care resources for a longer period of time. We are blessed that we have a health care system that will do this, but it's so stretched right now. There are delays in surgeries, which are causing people to rely on health care dollars to help them be at home while waiting. There are back ups in the ED meaning people that are critically ill are being delayed to triage, which is having negative outcomes. This is NOT the fault of our front line staff. The system is decimated, from top to bottom! 

So what's the fix? I don't have a concrete answer. What I do know is that we need to watch out for each other, Paramedics, Police, Firefighters, Nurses, emergency Doctors, Emergency support staff, and so many others. We are all out here, showing up, doing the best we can, and we have to support each other. Stay strong my brothers and sisters and everyone! 

If you like what you are reading, please Click Here to have my blog sent straight to your email when new posts are published, and let's build a real community of heroes! That's what you are as a first responder or supporter of first responders and public health care. 

Pandemic, Short Staffing, Record Call Volume, Oh MY!

 

It's really like every day is a full moon lately isn't it? The Call Volume has been incredible, we and our colleagues are burnt out, book offs are at an all time high, and the level of staff off on physical or mental health injury is higher than it's ever been. I want you to know that I see you! 

I see everyone of you. I see you SHOWING UP wherever you are, including if you are off! This last two years has stolen so much from all of YOU! I see you! At work, you are tired, you are angry, you are hurting. I. SEE. YOU. 

The point of this post is that the only thing we have left to rely on is one another! Management has failed us, the government is determined to destroy us, our biggest fans have turned against us and the only people who appreciate anything we do, are our patients in the moment they need us. I want us to change our thinking! We have to be fully aware of each other. 

You are way too important to be left out here on your own. You have worked your ass off during this pandemic and you deserve to be recognized, however don't hold your breath. It seems that there are people that would like that work to be unrecognized. But I recognize you! You have pushed yourself beyond the limits of your believed end and found new strength and resilience. I am so proud of every one of you, as you continued to show up day after day, and continued to bust your ass. You still generate high positive patient satisfaction. I have not forgotten those of you that were injured, and had to take a rest. You pushed yourself further than the rest of us, and your health and healing is the ONLY thing you should focus on! DO NOT push yourself back to work, HEAL FULLY PLEASE! 

There is no more message to this post other than, I SEE YOU! I see our newest staff, coming in, and immediately being thrown into the fire! I see you excelling despite the lack of support that is there. I see you excelling through equipment failures, truck failures, shift disruptions, partner book offs and more! I want everyone to know that I am here for you! If you need to talk, or at least know you are supported in some way, I am here! Keep being the amazing paramedics and health care staff that you already are. YOU have NOTHING TO PROVE! If you are hurting and have had too much and need to take time for you and your family and time for healing, TAKE IT!!! 

Thank you for continuing to follow me and read what I write, this article was a long wait, and I will always continue to try to be more consistent. If you got some value or you want people to know they are seen, please like, comment and share this post with everyone! 

The Holidays, Grief and Loss.

 

This Christmas season has seen a lot of loss for many in our community. These losses are felt to our soul and shake us to our core. They test our resilience, and they put our mortality in plain site. We lost an amazing person in our local and provincial EMS system and I know he touched the hearts and lives of people outside of Alberta as well. 

I want to speak to all of you that are suffering in this loss, take the time you need to grieve your own way. Don't let duty, or obligation cloud the grieving process. It is ok to feel anger, and sadness, and it is ok to have disbelief. I worry for so many of you that have been worked to death through this pandemic and are now facing grief and loss during the holiday season. Be gentle with yourself and let your feelings happen. Reach out to close friends, and mutual friends so that you can share in his memories and the joy he brought to us all. Check in with each other, not everyone grieves out loud and some people may be really struggling and it is important that they know they are not alone. As the Christmas season ends and we head toward the new year, let's make a pledge to one another to always be kind to each other. The system is and has been broken for a long time. We can only control what we can control and at the moment that is our behaviors towards each other. 

Those of you that I work with, if you need anything in this time, please reach out and we can talk or chill or what ever you might need. Those of you that maybe suffering other losses, even though we may be strangers, reach out if you need an ear. This is a short post today, but needed to address the loss we are all feeling this season. I have not mentioned names on purpose as I know all of you know who I am speaking of and his families privacy is important to me. 

Take care of yourselves and check in with each other, I will see you all again after the New Year with more musings. 

My Journey to Resilience (Part 1)

 

I know I left you hanging.

I have struggled with what I am going to share with you all as not very many people know my whole story and that has very much been intentional. I am not looking for sympathy or validation of any sort, however I am hoping that the details I share here will allow someone else who may be where I was to reach out and know that they are not alone. As the title suggests this is part one. I want to demonstrate how the road to darkness is not a slippery slope, it is a long winding beautiful path full of good intentions, machismo and a desire to never become a burden. 

How it all began. 

I have been in the emergency services for 23, no wait, almost 24 years. Starting as a volunteer fire fighter in 1997 after taking my EMR program I saw disturbing things from the very start. The training we had then definitely did some to desensitize us to what we would see, but critical incident stress and CISM debriefings were still new at the time. I never truly felt bothered by the calls I did at that time and thought I must be special, "built for this industry" as it were. I found that I seemed to be quite good at compartmentalizing things, or so I thought. 

As time went on, it was many years of seeing a lot of people die and a lot of disturbing scenes that no person should ever have to see before I had a call that "stuck". Due to the triggering nature of the call I won't share details beyond witnessing someone die and being absolutely helpless to prevent it, despite my training and experience. This call gave me some bad dreams, and I have vivid memories of it to this day. This was my introduction to an occupational stress injury that I could identify, though at the time it did not register. 

After that call there were several more that struck close to home, and also caused some changes in my behavior, that I didn't pick up on until later. 

Was I lucky, resilient, or both? 

That is the million dollar question isn't it? Many of you, new and old to the game, and some of you that have not worked in this industry have your own experiences, and this one is mine. One advantage that I had is that I had a strong network of friends and loved ones who would listen to me tell my stories, share my experiences and just let me get shit out. This is an important step in building resilience. You CANNOT keep that SHIT INSIDE! You need to vent, you need to regurgitate it as much as you can to get it away from your soul. I know that sounds different as many self help books and self help gurus tell you to not relive the past. They are right in their way, but when it is fresh you must expel it. It is not unlike when someone has taken a handful of pills, you have a limited amount of time to remove the source of the poison from the system before it takes hold, and you have to treat the symptoms instead. 

Trauma in my opinion is similar. Once it gets in, you have a limited amount of time to expel it from your system before it takes a hold of your soul and causes a larger scar. Let me be abundantly clear, every event causes a scar, resilience helps us reduce the size and longevity of that scar. Mental scars can be healed, and life can be enjoyed as long as you take steps to protect your mental health early, diligently and continuously. Resilience is an ongoing process. So to answer the question above, I was fortunate to have places to vent, and I had learned resiliency from other facets of my life. 

What actions can you take now?

As a practitioner it is important, no, it is your duty to protect yourself mentally from the stress of this job. Once you have broken mentally, it is far more difficult to be effective in your role as a medical professional. So to conclude part one, the lesson is learning to expel your experience. This is what a debriefing is for, however due to increased call volume and lack of resources I fear that they may not be able to happen as quickly as is needed. Find those people that you can talk to, not to judge the call, or judge the outcome, but to just get the details out of your system. 

As professionals we do our very best on every call and learning from each experience is vital to improving as a paramedic, but that is a different process than learning to go on after a bad call. You are beautiful souls that make the decision to do this as a career and your health matters. If you have no one to reach out to in your own practice, reach out to me, I will be your outlet. In the meantime, please like and share what you have read here, and take care of yourself and each other. 

Resiliency, What Is It? How Do We Get It?

 With the global pandemic slowing for a moment or two I wanted to get back into writing. I want to talk to you about resilience. Resilience is the ability to withstand the pressures of life and keep your head up. I used the GIF to show a samurai sword being made. This is one of the strongest weapons ever created by hand. 

    I want to spend the next few weeks talking about resilience, and how it applied to my life. Today I want to talk about what resilience is, and a very broad look at how it is developed in each of us. This does not just apply to first responders, but to all people that are making their way in this thing we call life.

    The bad news, resilience can only be built through challenges. Just like the samurai sword pictured above it is heated, folded, hammered, cooled, heated, folded, hammered and cooled over and over again. To my knowledge this occurs over two hundred times to forge the weapon. Once that weapon is forged, it is almost impossible to make it lose it's edge, and it will cut into concrete. This forging process is what makes it so strong and gives it the resiliency to last virtually forever. This is the type of resilience that we should strive for. 

    Now I am not saying you need to go out and get yourself a bunch of trauma so you can be forged and become hard as steel. In reality we have all faced challenges throughout our lives and have the recipe inside us. The goal is to take that recipe and increase our personal resilience. There is some work that you have to do to be able to face situations from a place of stength which we will go over bit by bit over the next couple of blogs. 

    Today I just wanted to give you the beginning of the formula that will help you build resilience in your own life. Quick disclaimer, I am not a doctor or a licensed expert in this field. I am someone that has built myself back up from a deeply broken place and have become resilient. Using my personal experiences and things that I did I will show you the path that I took. So without further adieu let me tell you the beginning of the formula for building your strength and improving your confidence and resilience. 

    True resilience comes from HEALING yourself from past trauma, current trauma and accepting yourself for who you are right now! Many people have heard the parable about the person who was stuck in a hole. As he sat there a person came by and he asked, "can you please help me?" The first person replied, "I have no rope or no ladder, but I will pray for you that you find a way out." With that they said a short prayer and continued on their way. A second person came by and said the same thing, but also added, "I will set a plate to get some money to buy a rope". A third person saw this person in the hole and without a thought they jumped in. The stuck person looked in shock, "what are you doing, now you are stuck here too?". The person replied, "I have been stuck here before and I know the way out, follow me!"

    I am the person, and I have jumped in the hole. With the pandemic, and increasing call volumes, isolation, long responses, job losses and terrible economic factors many of you are stuck in this place. I ask that you follow, share, like, and comment below and lets work together to get as many of you out of this place as we can!